Embarrassed, humiliated, furious – just a few of the emotions we parents experience when we discover that our child has deliberately taken something from someone else. But surprising as it seems, the principles of ownership, and the concept of theft, are not immediately obvious to young children. So if we discover our child has stolen something, we need to understand what was going on in his or her mind before we can ‘solve’ the problem.

Here is a sample of some of our easy and effective tools for solving this issue

This works really well:

IMMEDIATE CONSEQUENCE

• Insist that your child return or replace the item, ideally buying it with his or her pocket money (if this applies).
• If your child has stolen something from a shop and you only realise it later, you should make the effort of going back to the shop and getting your child to offer to pay for the item. If they do not receive an allowance yet, they can pay for it by giving away some of their toys.

Here is another suggestion:

PROBLEM SOLVING

• At a later time, when everyone is relaxed, raise the subject of the theft with your child and, using lots of empathy, try to understand what motivated their action.
• Once your child has explained his or her motivation reflect back what you have heard in order to show that you understand.
• Finally ask your child how s/he would deal with the situation again in the future.

These are just a few examples of our Best of Parenting Tools. You can find more ideas and solutions to typical parenting challenges in our book ‘Kids Don’t Come With a Manual – The Essential Guide to a Happy Family Life‘.