We want our children to love each other yet sometimes they insist on behaving like sworn enemies. The fact is that it is all too normal for children to be jealous of one another. But there are tricks to making siblings appreciate each other’s qualities.
Here is a sample of some of our easy and effective tools for solving this issue
This works really well:
EMPATHY AND VALIDATION
- Telling a child that s/he should be loving their brother or sister no matter what, is going to be counterproductive – obviously.
- Treat a child’s hurt feelings with consideration and empathy, for example “I see that you’re not happy that your brother/sister had this or that, or had my attention. I used to feel that same way towards my siblings. Do you want to talk about it?”.
- If you are expecting a new baby or have just had one, make sure that you give lots of empathy to your eldest child by telling him or her: “It must feel very hard for you to have to share me with someone else, but I need you to know that I have just as much love for you as I ever did.”
Here is another suggestion:
PROBLEM SOLVING
- At a later time or date when you are both relaxed and receptive, explain how your child’s earlier behaviour made you, or others, feel. For example, “You must have been really angry and frustrated to want to be so unkind to your brother/sister. Unfortunately, your words can really hurt.”
- Then encourage your child to discuss the problem at hand with you and make sure that s/he understands that you have heard what was said.
- Then ask your child to problem solve, for example: “What do you suggest would be a better way of dealing with your sibling?”
- Asking your children to suggest their own solutions to a problem, which might include putting themselves in to their sibling’s shoes, puts their minds in to ‘thinking mode’. And gives them the gratification of feeling that they can come up with good ideas themselves!
These are just a few examples of our Best of Parenting Tools. You can find more ideas and solutions to typical parenting challenges in our book ‘Kids Don’t Come With a Manual – The Essential Guide to a Happy Family Life‘.