When we feed our children we want them to learn to be polite and friendly to the others sharing the meal. The secret to ‘civilised’ mealtimes lies in teaching our children by example rather than with threats.
Here is a sample of some of our easy and effective tools for solving this issue
This works really well:
“I” STATEMENT:
- We need to make it clear to our children exactly what the ‘meal deal’ is.
- For example: “I serve dessert to children who eat without throwing their food around”.
- Our “I” statement should always start with “I” or “my” (and if speaking for the family or couple, it starts with “we” or “our”).
- Making a ‘statement’ like this offers children a very clear guideline which they can take on board, remember and use as a rule of thumb in similar situations.
Here is another suggestion:
SET A RULE:
- We can also make very clear rules which set a gold standard for the whole family.
- For example: “The rule in our family is that people who want to join the meal must also try to be friendly”.
- When making a new rule, we need to set it respectfully in the third person, explain why it is there and deliver it with empathy so that it is not confused with a reprimand.
- Only use one rule at a time and ask your child to repeat it to make sure they have understood it.
Then you could try:
LOGICAL CONSEQUENCE:
- If a limit or rule has been broken, tell your child in a voice full of empathy rather than anger “Oh so sad, dinner is over” and gently remove child’s meal.
- A ‘logical consequence’ is not the same as a punishment. It is simply a lesson in cause and effect.
These are just a few examples of our Best of Parenting Tools. You can find more ideas and solutions to typical parenting challenges in our book ‘Kids Don’t Come With a Manual – The Essential Guide to a Happy Family Life‘.