As parents, we can often feel that our children are not cooperating and are in ‘opposition mode’. In these cases, it’s important to realise what our role may be in fuelling this opposition. We need to remember that all human beings (and that includes children!) need some control over their lives – even if it’s only an ‘impression’ of having control, and anyone who hears ‘No’, ‘Can’t’ and ‘Don’t’ too often is likely to become resistant.

So in order to prevent this opposition, you can use two highly effective tools:

1. Limited Choices will give your children the impression that they have control over their lives. For example, instead of saying “It’s raining today, you need to put your raincoat on”, try instead “It’s raining today, would you like to put your coat on now or carry it and put it on once you’re outside?” (wise parents never carry their children’s coats/bags, etc.)

2. Positive Redirection will help you reduce the amount of negative statements you utter throughout the day. For example, if your child asks you for an ice cream and this isn’t appropriate because dinner is in 30 minutes, instead of answering “No, you can’t have an ice cream now because dinner is in 30 minutes”, try instead “Yes, sure you can have an ice cream after dinner, which will be served in 30 min”.

It may sound very simple, but it is highly effective and this alone could save you up to an hour a day in power struggles – so try it and let us know if it has worked!

These are just a few examples of our Best of Parenting Tools. You can find more ideas and solutions to typical parenting challenges in our book ‘Kids Don’t Come With a Manual – The Essential Guide to a Happy Family Life‘. 

Inspirational Quotes:

“Always turn a negative situation into a positive situation.” – Michael Jordan

“All children behave as well as they are treated.” – Anonymous