Sharing The Best Resources & Tools

CAROLE AND NADIM SAAD, CO-FOUNDERS OF BEST OF PARENTING

As the parents of three children, struggling like so many others to find a balanced and effective parenting style, we turned away from all the parenting fads and studied the hard scientific evidence on what really works. The techniques we learnt were so life changing, yet so straightforward, that we made it our mission to convert them into powerful step by step tools and make them available to parents world over. Read more about the philosophy behind Best of Parenting.

Sharing The Best Resources & Tools

CAROLE AND NADIM SAAD, CO-FOUNDERS OF BEST OF PARENTING

As the parents of three children, struggling like so many others to find a balanced and effective parenting style, we turned away from all the parenting fads and studied the hard scientific evidence on what really works. The techniques we learnt were so life changing, yet so straightforward, that we made it our mission to convert them into powerful step by step tools and make them available to parents world over. Read more about the philosophy behind Best of Parenting.

How to avoid the Autumn melt-down

September 13th, 2013 | Article | 3 to 6 years | Seasonal

For many families the end of the summer holidays is a bitter sweet affair. Of course there’s the sense of relief as life gets ‘back to normal’. Yet easing your children into any form of daily childcare, even reintroducing your own ‘home regime’, can prove surprisingly tough for all the family.

Many children experience considerable ‘back to school’ anxiety. Tears, tantrums, clinginess, fatigue or an apparent transformation of character are all common features.

Some of this behavior can be attributed to separation anxiety, a common but no less painful symptom of the end of the holidays –  and the pain can be just as great for the parent as for the child. 

The key to solving all forms of anxiety, both yours and your child’s, is via communication and understanding. By encouraging your child to share some of their fears about school or homesickness you are helping them to discover the tools to overcoming their distress – a lifetime gift.

It is essential to validate your children’s feelings with empathetic statements no matter how unimportant or insignificant they seem to you. ‘Ah you seem worried about tomorrow.’ Or ‘it’s tough changing class and having to make new friends again’. It’s so easy to inadvertently appear to be discounting our children’s feelings, fears and worries whilst seeking to reassure. And never underestimate the soothing power of a hug.

Of course the introduction of ‘term time’ structure comes as something of a shock to all concerned. For a young child the change in routine, and a return to a more defined sense of time, can be a confusing, disorientating and sometimes even distressing experience. First day back at nursery/playgroup or school and the world is suddenly full of demands, needs and deadlines, rather than the choices, treats and open ended deadlines of holiday time. ‘Get up, finish your breakfast, put your clothes on, brush your hair, wash your face, clean your teeth, we have to leave now!’……… no wonder returning to the workaday world is as stressful for our children as it is for us. Rebellion against this change, including the agony of rushed mornings and apparently uncooperative children, is all too common.

You can circumnavigate many of these problems by planning ahead and establishing  a routine and schedule with your child  (which can take the form of an easy to reach and read chart for the child to refer to). Simply invite your child to work with you on drawing up a workable routine for the days ahead, agreeing that once fixed, the schedule becomes ‘the boss’, rather than you.

You could even illustrate them with photographs of the child in the different stages of the routine, And older children can make their own illustrations of what they need to do.

Once the routine is set, try to limit your ‘demands’ (which a child can all too easily interpret  as an invitation to a power struggle) by giving your child as many Limited choices as possible. These obviously have to be choices that suit you such as: “Do you want to put your coat on now or in the car?” (which sounds much friendlier than ‘get your coat on now!’). And allowing your child to choose for themselves gives them a sense of freedom as well as responsibility.

Another handy tool when faced with a potential power struggle is the enforceable statement, such as “My car is leaving in 5 minutes and I take children who are dressed”. You can also add a positive spin to these, for  eg. ‘I’m looking forward to giving pudding to children who have eaten their main course’.

If at least one of your children is over the age of five, now is the perfect time to instigate weekly Family Meetings, one of the most valuable tools for realigning expectations. Talking things through within the family improves communication and nurtures a spirit of responsibility and togetherness. Family Meetings are an excellent way of reestablishing a child’s sense of security and importance. These meetings have a specific format and you can find out more about these by clicking here. Incorporating the tools suggested above alongside your weekly Family Meeting will ensure that your child, and you, are equipped to deal with the challenges ahead.

But perhaps the chief enemy of family harmony during term time is that of fatigue. The exhaustion which transforms a happy little sand-boy into a kicking, screaming monster within just a few days. The in-your -bones tiredness that makes you want to weep or lose the plot long before you’ve juggled tea, bed, bath and storytime. In these situations you both need to be able to look forward to ‘Special Time’ together, at least ten minutes a day when you both just enjoy each other’s company, free from demands. This is especially true when you have more than one child and in this case you should try to spend that ‘quality time’ with each one alone. This ‘Special Time’ nurturing tool allows you to incorporate the essence of holiday free time into everyday life and reassures your child of your unconditional empathy. And what’s not to love about that?

 

Image courtesy of Clare Bloomfield at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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How to avoid the Autumn melt-down

September 13th, 2013 | Article | 3 to 6 years | Seasonal

For many families the end of the summer holidays is a bitter sweet affair. Of course there’s the sense of relief as life gets ‘back to normal’. Yet easing your children into any form of daily childcare, even reintroducing your own ‘home regime’, can prove surprisingly tough for all the family.

Many children experience considerable ‘back to school’ anxiety. Tears, tantrums, clinginess, fatigue or an apparent transformation of character are all common features.

Some of this behavior can be attributed to separation anxiety, a common but no less painful symptom of the end of the holidays –  and the pain can be just as great for the parent as for the child. 

The key to solving all forms of anxiety, both yours and your child’s, is via communication and understanding. By encouraging your child to share some of their fears about school or homesickness you are helping them to discover the tools to overcoming their distress – a lifetime gift.

It is essential to validate your children’s feelings with empathetic statements no matter how unimportant or insignificant they seem to you. ‘Ah you seem worried about tomorrow.’ Or ‘it’s tough changing class and having to make new friends again’. It’s so easy to inadvertently appear to be discounting our children’s feelings, fears and worries whilst seeking to reassure. And never underestimate the soothing power of a hug.

Of course the introduction of ‘term time’ structure comes as something of a shock to all concerned. For a young child the change in routine, and a return to a more defined sense of time, can be a confusing, disorientating and sometimes even distressing experience. First day back at nursery/playgroup or school and the world is suddenly full of demands, needs and deadlines, rather than the choices, treats and open ended deadlines of holiday time. ‘Get up, finish your breakfast, put your clothes on, brush your hair, wash your face, clean your teeth, we have to leave now!’……… no wonder returning to the workaday world is as stressful for our children as it is for us. Rebellion against this change, including the agony of rushed mornings and apparently uncooperative children, is all too common.

You can circumnavigate many of these problems by planning ahead and establishing  a routine and schedule with your child  (which can take the form of an easy to reach and read chart for the child to refer to). Simply invite your child to work with you on drawing up a workable routine for the days ahead, agreeing that once fixed, the schedule becomes ‘the boss’, rather than you.

You could even illustrate them with photographs of the child in the different stages of the routine, And older children can make their own illustrations of what they need to do.

Once the routine is set, try to limit your ‘demands’ (which a child can all too easily interpret  as an invitation to a power struggle) by giving your child as many Limited choices as possible. These obviously have to be choices that suit you such as: “Do you want to put your coat on now or in the car?” (which sounds much friendlier than ‘get your coat on now!’). And allowing your child to choose for themselves gives them a sense of freedom as well as responsibility.

Another handy tool when faced with a potential power struggle is the enforceable statement, such as “My car is leaving in 5 minutes and I take children who are dressed”. You can also add a positive spin to these, for  eg. ‘I’m looking forward to giving pudding to children who have eaten their main course’.

If at least one of your children is over the age of five, now is the perfect time to instigate weekly Family Meetings, one of the most valuable tools for realigning expectations. Talking things through within the family improves communication and nurtures a spirit of responsibility and togetherness. Family Meetings are an excellent way of reestablishing a child’s sense of security and importance. These meetings have a specific format and you can find out more about these by clicking here. Incorporating the tools suggested above alongside your weekly Family Meeting will ensure that your child, and you, are equipped to deal with the challenges ahead.

But perhaps the chief enemy of family harmony during term time is that of fatigue. The exhaustion which transforms a happy little sand-boy into a kicking, screaming monster within just a few days. The in-your -bones tiredness that makes you want to weep or lose the plot long before you’ve juggled tea, bed, bath and storytime. In these situations you both need to be able to look forward to ‘Special Time’ together, at least ten minutes a day when you both just enjoy each other’s company, free from demands. This is especially true when you have more than one child and in this case you should try to spend that ‘quality time’ with each one alone. This ‘Special Time’ nurturing tool allows you to incorporate the essence of holiday free time into everyday life and reassures your child of your unconditional empathy. And what’s not to love about that?

 

Image courtesy of Clare Bloomfield at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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How to avoid the Autumn melt-down

September 13th, 2013 | Article | 3 to 6 years | Seasonal

For many families the end of the summer holidays is a bitter sweet affair. Of course there’s the sense of relief as life gets ‘back to normal’. Yet easing your children into any form of daily childcare, even reintroducing your own ‘home regime’, can prove surprisingly tough for all the family.

Many children experience considerable ‘back to school’ anxiety. Tears, tantrums, clinginess, fatigue or an apparent transformation of character are all common features.

Some of this behavior can be attributed to separation anxiety, a common but no less painful symptom of the end of the holidays –  and the pain can be just as great for the parent as for the child. 

The key to solving all forms of anxiety, both yours and your child’s, is via communication and understanding. By encouraging your child to share some of their fears about school or homesickness you are helping them to discover the tools to overcoming their distress – a lifetime gift.

It is essential to validate your children’s feelings with empathetic statements no matter how unimportant or insignificant they seem to you. ‘Ah you seem worried about tomorrow.’ Or ‘it’s tough changing class and having to make new friends again’. It’s so easy to inadvertently appear to be discounting our children’s feelings, fears and worries whilst seeking to reassure. And never underestimate the soothing power of a hug.

Of course the introduction of ‘term time’ structure comes as something of a shock to all concerned. For a young child the change in routine, and a return to a more defined sense of time, can be a confusing, disorientating and sometimes even distressing experience. First day back at nursery/playgroup or school and the world is suddenly full of demands, needs and deadlines, rather than the choices, treats and open ended deadlines of holiday time. ‘Get up, finish your breakfast, put your clothes on, brush your hair, wash your face, clean your teeth, we have to leave now!’……… no wonder returning to the workaday world is as stressful for our children as it is for us. Rebellion against this change, including the agony of rushed mornings and apparently uncooperative children, is all too common.

You can circumnavigate many of these problems by planning ahead and establishing  a routine and schedule with your child  (which can take the form of an easy to reach and read chart for the child to refer to). Simply invite your child to work with you on drawing up a workable routine for the days ahead, agreeing that once fixed, the schedule becomes ‘the boss’, rather than you.

You could even illustrate them with photographs of the child in the different stages of the routine, And older children can make their own illustrations of what they need to do.

Once the routine is set, try to limit your ‘demands’ (which a child can all too easily interpret  as an invitation to a power struggle) by giving your child as many Limited choices as possible. These obviously have to be choices that suit you such as: “Do you want to put your coat on now or in the car?” (which sounds much friendlier than ‘get your coat on now!’). And allowing your child to choose for themselves gives them a sense of freedom as well as responsibility.

Another handy tool when faced with a potential power struggle is the enforceable statement, such as “My car is leaving in 5 minutes and I take children who are dressed”. You can also add a positive spin to these, for  eg. ‘I’m looking forward to giving pudding to children who have eaten their main course’.

If at least one of your children is over the age of five, now is the perfect time to instigate weekly Family Meetings, one of the most valuable tools for realigning expectations. Talking things through within the family improves communication and nurtures a spirit of responsibility and togetherness. Family Meetings are an excellent way of reestablishing a child’s sense of security and importance. These meetings have a specific format and you can find out more about these by clicking here. Incorporating the tools suggested above alongside your weekly Family Meeting will ensure that your child, and you, are equipped to deal with the challenges ahead.

But perhaps the chief enemy of family harmony during term time is that of fatigue. The exhaustion which transforms a happy little sand-boy into a kicking, screaming monster within just a few days. The in-your -bones tiredness that makes you want to weep or lose the plot long before you’ve juggled tea, bed, bath and storytime. In these situations you both need to be able to look forward to ‘Special Time’ together, at least ten minutes a day when you both just enjoy each other’s company, free from demands. This is especially true when you have more than one child and in this case you should try to spend that ‘quality time’ with each one alone. This ‘Special Time’ nurturing tool allows you to incorporate the essence of holiday free time into everyday life and reassures your child of your unconditional empathy. And what’s not to love about that?

 

Image courtesy of Clare Bloomfield at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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