Being constantly hassled by our children can make us want to scream, particularly when they won’t take no for an answer. But if we can manage to take a deep breathe and address their needs with empathy we find that we can often turn the situation around and stop the pestering.

Here is a sample of some of our easy and effective tools for solving this issue.

This works really well:

EMPATHY AND VALIDATION:

• Ask your child what s/he wants from you, and listening carefully to what is being said, reflect back what you have heard, then offer reassurance.
• For example:  “It sounds like you would like to spend some time with me, shall we have a bit of ‘Special Time’ as soon as I finish what I am doing?”

Here is another suggestion:

DIFFUSE WHINING AND ARGUING:

• Even when you are not prepared to give your children what they are hassling you for, it is  worth acknowledging their request (rather than start by saying “No, …”,
• For example: “I can see that you really, really want me to take you to the soft play centre, but unfortunately, it’s not going to be possible now”.
• You might want to add a reason for why you are not prepared to grant what is being asked for, but make sure that you only give them this explanation once.
• If your child continues to complain, simply respond by repeating an “empathetic statement” such as ‘I know’ or ‘I heard you’ without getting angry or raising your voice.
• Your child will soon understand that whilst you are not unsympathetic to his or her feelings, you will not be giving in to their demands, nor will you be drawn into an argument or negotiation.

These are just a few examples of our Best of Parenting Tools. You can find more ideas and solutions to typical parenting challenges in our book ‘Kids Don’t Come With a Manual – The Essential Guide to a Happy Family Life‘.