It can be a bit of a shocker when we hear our child issue a particularly ripe expletive, particularly if the swear word is directed at us or someone we know. But such exclamations are quite normal in young children, it’s just a matter or making it clear to our kids that swearing is neither desirable, nor a particularly good way of winning friends and influencing people.
Here is a sample of some of our easy and effective tools for solving this issue
This works really well:
SET A RULE
- If you haven’t already set a rule about swearing now is your chance. But don’t do it when you are angry because it will feel to your child like a ‘telling off’!
- Make sure that the rule isn’t in the first person so that it is clear that it applies to everyone (and yes, “In this family we try very hard not to swear” has to apply to you too,)
- Explain why swearing is ‘ugly talk’ and have fun exploring homemade alternatives ‘Oh hot muffins’ or ‘Oh Splinglesplat!’
Then try this:
ENERGY DRAIN:
- This is probably the best tool to make sure that this issue doesn’t recur!
- Tell your child that their swearing is giving you an ‘energy drain’.
- Your child will begin to understand that his or her actions have an affect on others which are likely, in turn, to affect how others will treat him or her.
- For example: “This arguing in the back is causing me an energy drain, I’ll need your help getting that energy back”
- We can then explain to them our child that in order to ‘repair’ the situation, he or she will need to help with household tasks or give us time to replenish our energy.
And here is another suggestion:
“I” STATEMENT
- For example – “In this family we listen to people who speak to each other properly”.
- An “I” statement is a crystal clear, non-negotiable, ‘this is how you are expected to behave round here’ statement.
- An “I” statement must start with a Start with “I” or “my” (or “we”/ “our” if speaking about the family).
- Of course your statement has to be one you can enforce otherwise you are wasting your breath, so if there’s more swearing subsequently, just ignore the swearer until he or she gets the message.
These are just a few examples of our Best of Parenting Tools. You can find more ideas and solutions to typical parenting challenges in our book ‘Kids Don’t Come With a Manual – The Essential Guide to a Happy Family Life‘.