All children push boundaries and need to test the limits we set as parents. It’s usually the way we react to their behaviour that either fuels or diffuses their rebelliousness.

Here is a sample of some of our easy and effective tools for solving this issue

This works really well:

GIVE A CHOICE:

• This is our favourite and most effective tip to encourage cooperation. It works for most situations and ages.
• Rather than making immediate ‘demands’ on our children, we allow them to feel some control over their lives by asking them to choose between two options (that suit us).
• Example: “Do you want to do this now or in a couple of minutes?”
• This tool has the advantage of putting our children in to “thinking mode” rather than “opposition mode”.
• We should use ‘Give a Choice’ as often as we can, because asking children to make decisions makes them feel more respected and receptive, and less prone to power struggles.

Here is another suggestion:

“I” STATEMENT:

• If we are aware of what we can control, versus what we would like to control, we can then make a statement that we can actually enforce.
• Our “I” Statement needs to start with an “I” or “my” (and if speaking for the family or couple, it starts with “we” or “our”).
• This tool replaces nagging and threatening with respectful communication. It also works with spouses!
• Example: “I take children to the park (or wherever they want to go) who have done …. (whatever it is that you want them to do)”.
• Notice that this sentence is positive and not a typical: “If you don’t do that, you won’t be able to do that!” threat.

Then you can try:

“SET A RULE”:

• Limits or boundaries are essential for our children but should be set in a non-confrontational way.
• Set rules using the third person so that they don’t sound like a reprimand.
• Example: “This is the new rule: in this house, children have to tidy their room by the end of each day.”
• Once we have announced the rule, but find that at a later date  our children choose to ignore it, we can then apply ‘logical consequences’  (rather than punishments – see our e-book for more explanation on this).

These are just a few examples of our Best of Parenting Tools. You can find more ideas and solutions to typical parenting challenges in our book ‘Kids Don’t Come With a Manual – The Essential Guide to a Happy Family Life‘.