When we see that our spouse or co-parent is dealing with a situation in a way that we don’t agree with, it can be tempting to intervene, especially if we feel that their actions are going to have negative consequences. However, it’s important to resist this urge because when we choose to intervene in front of our children, we can make our spouse/co-parent feel as though their authority is being undermined. We are also sending our children the message, “Your Mum/Dad clearly isn’t equipped to deal with this, so I’m going to have to intervene and stop them from messing things up any further”. And in showing our children that we have no faith in our spouse/co-parent’s parenting ability, we run the risk of our children using this conflict to their advantage by trying to play one parent off of another, which is hardly conducive to harmonious family living!

Of course, there will be times when we disagree with our partner’s approach or the way that they choose to deal with typical parenting challenges, but instead of immediately jumping in and intervening, it’s much more effective to ask them one simple question, “Can I help?”. If they accept our offer, then we have been invited to intervene and should do so. But if they choose not to accept our help then we must respect this and leave them to deal with the situation alone. If we do have reservations about their approach, then we should voice this when are out of earshot of our children, and should do so in a way that is respectful and non-confrontational. It’s important to remember that while we might not always agree with their approach, our partner most likely loves our kids just as much as we do, and like us, only has their best intentions at heart. Reminding ourselves of this fact helps to foster a sense of family unity and shows children that their parents are both willing and able to work together as a team.